I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
