I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
