He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Can't talk, ducks in the car
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
