i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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