You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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