Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
