we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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