i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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