Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
