I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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