I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
