i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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