Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
