my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
