Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
