My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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