I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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