just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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