those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
