I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
