My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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