What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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