I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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