My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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