the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
