Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
