ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
