Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
