wakey wakey hands off snakey
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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