My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
