I want to stick my p in your. b.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
