You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
