you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
