Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
