Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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