He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
