my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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