Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
