**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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