You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Welp...herpes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
