The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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