i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
