I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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