Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
