i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
