Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
