please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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