I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
