I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
