I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you inspire me to be a worse person
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
