I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
