The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
