The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
