Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
