Ambien. No doubt about it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
