No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
