Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
